The List – May 1
How Clive Palmer Will Build Titanic II – 5 Materials We Think He’ll Use
Not content with owning the biggest, shiniest rocks and the sport of soccer, billionaire mining magnate Clive Palmer has announced his plans to unseat the treasurer, and build a floating behemoth named “Titanic II”.
Here’s what we think it will be made out of:
5. Melted-down stacks of Aussie currency
Clive re-values our notes by floating the dollar.
4. Parts of himself
Clive’s a self-made man, and his boat will also be self-made. From offcuts of himself.
3. The sport of soccer
Nobody’s tried to build a boat out of soccer before, but Clive’s known for his out-of-the-box thinking. There are NO known incidents of icebergs penetrating the sport of soccer, and he does already own quite a bit of it.
2. Unrefined iron ore
It has to be good for SOMETHING, right? Otherwise, why dig it up?
1. Hair
If whatever that is on Clive’s head is good enough for Clive’s head, it’d damn well better be good enough for anyone rich and successful enough to be allowed on the Titanic II’s executive deck. The carpet, curtains, deck, sails, fittings, riggings and moorings are all pure, 100% whatever-that-is-on-Clive’s-head.
What have we missed? Tell us below, where it should say “Leave a Comment”, but instead says “Sing us a tune, Batman!”
